However, as the 4-inch thick “moves” books were handed out, a blue esky brimming with gold cans also magically appeared and with this the mood shifted from despair to hope.

On arrival at Braidwood and with a now empty blue esky; the mood had lifted from hope to invincibility.

It had become abundantly clear that we were a mere 30 minutes away from an undefeated season!

The books were quickly handed back with the coach under the misguided view that they had actually been read. Nonetheless, we were ready for battle!

As soon as some 900km of strapping had been applied to hold the team together, a full contingent of Dated Dogs was ready to rumble.

The toss was won; the Port had been sculled - now it was time for the kick off.

Given no one was capable of kicking the required 10m, Neil Seaman was rushed into the starting lineup to take the kick.

As the ball sailed majestically through the air, half the boys seemed to stay still, with the other half running away from the action.

GAME ON!

One minute into the game and Ed Abbey somehow remembered the main move (called “Not Ed”) and took on the Braidwood defence single-handed.

This was due to the fact that all the other team members were at least 75m away at the time.

Ed was suddenly as isolated as Tom Hanks in Cast Away and his team members watched with horror as he was consumed and promptly spat out the back of an angry Braidwood forward pack.

There was some blood!

Two minutes in and many of the boys were calling for a sub, but with the bench as empty as the blue esky, there was no going off for a spell. This contrasted markedly with the Braidwood team who had a rotation of around 53 players, each with an average age of 35.

Now for the first scrum, arguably one of five turning points in the game. Our front row combination of Bruce the Rock Reynolds, Boots the Story Man Harborne and Dave Hard Man Page were a force to be reckoned with especially as they were backed up by a fearsome pack made up of some of the least experienced forwards in the district, including Pete BraveHeart Macdougall, Matt The Builder Hayes, Mick The Back Rubber Lawson, Mick The Preg Tester Lowe, John Comanchero McCue, Ed Heavy Weight Abbey and Boot’s mate.

Five seconds after the first scrum had been set, packed and engaged, all eight men found themselves 20m back from where they had started, pinned underneath the entire Braidwood pack.

All hope of forward domination was now gone and an executive decision was made by the forwards (now all about 1 inch shorter) that the game was to be won in the backs.

With a deceptively slow backline of Julian Mini Man Minehan, Rowan Sheep Musterer Medway, Steve Garden Mulch Shepherd, Ben The Bull Riding Builder From Belconnen Kruger, Mick The Hair Dresser Seaman, Neil The Only One Who could Actually Play Seaman and The Picsulator (when needed), no one except the backline actually doubted this could be achieved.

Midway through the first term, after some punishing defence from the Dated Dogs, backline Neil Seaman swooped on a loose ball like a magpie on heat and ran a staggering 75m, only to see the ball dropped with stunning efficiency, a whisker from the line by Rowan Medway.

Many commented at the time that this was another of the five turning points of the game, given Braidwood (with two future Wallabies on their side) put on 2 quick tries straight after.

And then, such a sweet sound! The bell rang after 10 of the longest minutes in history.

It was clearly time to regroup and strategise.

However, the only idea forthcoming was to ask the referee for non-contested scrums and push as hard as we could.

All too soon, it was time for the second longest 10 minutes in history. Boots Harborne took the kick off and headed towards the Braidwood defence.

Thirty seconds later he was having his elbow put back in by a doctor who was part of the Braidwood team.

Kudos must go to a team that can not only rip the Dated Dogs apart, but also put them back together again when needed.

Well, it was now or never and alarmingly, the one backline move, which no one could remember was called. (“Shep’s Ball” as it turns out).

Steve Shepherd took it up like a wounded Wood Duck, which confused the Braidwood defence for just long enough to allow Mick Seaman to wrap around and head off downfield.

After attracting and dispatching 12 defenders, he somehow managed to slip the ball to Rowan Medway who suddenly found himself headed to an open try line with the ball tucked tightly to his chest.

The only thing between him and the sweetness of downward pressure was a 70 year-old Braidwood defender. “Easy!” thought Medway, who is still in shock at the memory of feeling himself being bundled into touch as the full time whistle blew. The game was over.

Final score 10-0

Bruises to both body and ego were subsequently eased by another full blue esky on the way home.

It was a great day and thanks go to all past, present and junior players who cheered us on from the sidelines.

Special mention goes to Kip Skelly for guiding the Dated Dogs safely to and from the game on his bus. He’s a brave man.

Report by Rowan Medway.