OPINION | Message to tailgaters - get off my back

Drivers who aggressively push into your lane or speed up when you try to move into theirs are probably jerks to their loved ones.

People who are calm and in control in other locations but get in a flap merging onto the highway are, in reality, hiding an anxiety disorder.

And timid oldies who putter along below the speed limit, unaware of the queue of irate drivers behind them, are most likely the same who tell long stories at family gatherings while no one is listening.

On the road, as in life, some of the most awful to be around are the childish, selfish ones who tailgate incessantly.

'Get out of my way,' they say with their front bumper bar, and sometimes their flashing headlights. 'My impatience is more important than anyone's safety.'

I don't tolerate bullying on the road, especially when my 16-year-old learner daughter is driving.

So I'm teaching her to retaliate the only way you can: with good old-fashioned passive-aggression.

Here are some suggestions. (If you are in law enforcement, please look away now.)

Slow down, just a bit.

If there's nowhere they can overtake... hilarious.

Tap the brakes.

This takes skill and good judgement, but if safe to do so, it will give them a little heart attack and hopefully they'll drop back a bit (but not dead).

Refrain from giving any indication you are aware of their presence.

Continue driving at your chosen speed and mime insouciance.

I'd rather speak to the tailgaters directly, but that being impossible, I resort to tactics like these.

What that says about my own personality, I really don't want to know.